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The Round Trip To The Suburbs
The New York Times Real Estate Section has a front page story on families who leave the city for the suburbs only to turn around and come back.
Reading it was deja vu. In 1993, with two kids and a third in mind, the Gotham Gal and I packed up our family and moved from Brooklyn Heights, which we loved, to Chappaqua.
About five years later, we put the Chappaqua house on the market and came back.
It was the best thing we ever did.
For many people, the suburbs are wonderful. But for many others, they are not.
My favorite line is from Ronn Torossian:
Everybody says when the you get the baby you leave the city.
That certainly is the prevailing wisdom, but I think its wrong, at least for many people.
It certainly was for us.
January 7, 2006 Random Posts | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
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As you rightly say one may or may not like living in the suburbs. If for one find walking 15 minutes to work the greatest luxury of all.
I have a clear set of preconceptions about suburban life, and these were best embodied in an awesome book: "We need to talk about Kevin".
But whether you like suburb living or not, there is more than boredom to recommend against it.
Suburb attraction is mostly based on the fact that, essentially, everybody wants their own garden. But if you think as a city planner for a moment, this means: sprawling cities, road traffic, extreme pressure on land, etc etc.
The most offensive example of this trend that I know is probably Silicon Valley: apart from Palo Alto and maybe a bit of Mountain View, there are essentially no walkable places left. Most people's idea of a town center is a shopping center around El Camino Real. How depressing !!
Would it not be better if every city looked a bit like Vancouver: townhouses in the old district, "livable" high rises interspersed with parks and gardens, and a shitload of open spaces around the city ? I am not sure we can afford suburbs forever as the model for family living.
Thanks for the great music recommendations. Having looked at your music tastes I would highly recommend Herman Dune (Switzerland Heritage) and Arab Strap (Philophobia) if you dont know these guys
Best / Fred
Posted by: Fred D | Jan 7, 2006 11:37:02 AM
I lived in northern Brooklyn Heights from 1990-99. Wonderful place indeed, and not too bad for kids. But I ended up moving away to have more space for my kids, including a backyard. I don't regret the move -- on the other hand, we live only a few minutes east of NYC. So it's hardly the countryside!
Posted by: Andy | Jan 7, 2006 9:12:30 PM
if you're not rich (or EXTREMELY comfortable), it's difficult to raise children in the city. sure, it's possible to raise a family in a 750 square foot apartment with no backyard, but is that really the best way to do it? for many of us, leaving the city to raise a family is not so much an option as it is a necessity. i realize you're obviously in a MUCH higher income bracket than most NYers, but please at least try to maintain a well-rounded perspective on the issue. :-)
Posted by: alwayslookaround | Jan 8, 2006 5:49:12 PM
Chappaqua was always dull, but it wasn't always the pretentious yuppie-land that you arrived in. Back in the day, the Greeley County Store had a dirt floor, Frank really ran Frank's Cleaner's and there were several working farms in town. The third rail and fast commutes changed that in the early-mid 80s.
Posted by: Christy | Jan 8, 2006 8:05:13 PM
Alwayslookingaround is accurate with his/her assessment. Being a kid is about riding bikes, and playing in the yard with friends, not being DRIVEN somewhere by your mom or dad to do these activities. Being a kid in the suburbs provides some freedom for kids to be a little self-determining when it comes to their activity. Unless you have huge financial resources, living in the city (at least NYC) would almost completely eliminate this freedom for most families. If my girl wants to ride her bike, play in her playhouse, swing on the swing set in the neighbor’s yard she just goes out and does it.
I recognize that there’s a different stokes for different folks aspect to this, but the amount of negative shit written about living in the suburbs is far beyond the ridiculous. Yes, there’s tons of traffic, yes, there’s a ton of chain restaurants, etc… but there are many very positive aspects of living in the suburbs and having a 1/3 of an acre of fiefdom. I absolutely love my house and property. I love my neighborhood and neighbors. The first thing that strikes me looking at the picture of your old place is that it would appear that you lived in a “neighborhood” where walking next door to hangout with you neighbors on a nothing to do Friday night was not an option. Perhaps sitting out on the deck while sharing beers/wine/cigar while watching a ball game wasn’t something neighbors do in that part of Westchester. Well, they do in my neighborhood.
It’s all about space and families need it. Again, if you’ve got the capital, the diff changes dramatically when it comes to city living, but I’d bet if you asked the kids of mid income families who live in the five burrows which they would prefer, their little tiny bedroom that they share with their brother/sister in a rented apt vs. a bedroom of their own with a grass filled backyard in a neighborhood full of other kids (not Chappaqua) I’m pretty sure where the majority of votes would fall. For the middle class, city living is for adults. When your young and single you’re out most of the time anyway, but when you have kids you need space.
Posted by: Tony Alva | Jan 9, 2006 9:27:14 AM
Bob said it best: "I'm going back to New York City I do believe I've had enough."
Posted by: Steve | Jan 9, 2006 10:28:52 AM
This article was a popular topic of discussion among some of our friends in Westport, where we live. We've heard stories about families who ran back to the city. It was a number of factors - the commute, the culture, the fear of a Stepford-like existence. My wife harbored some of those feelings herself, particularly right after a bad storm when we lost power and had leaks in our basement.
We had both of our kids while living in the city and were among the last of our contemporaries to move out. We waited a few years after we "got the baby" to leave, and we're glad we did. Our kids love the city and are very comfortable in it. We also found that the city was great for small kids - it was easy to get around (even in snow), and you had all of the entertainment and cultural resources you'd ever want. If you were too tired to cook dinner or pick up a movie, you had dozens of restaurants who would deliver to you, and even the local video store would deliver.
Our reasons for leaving weren't about space or having a garden. We had a good-sized apartment on a tree-lined street. Our issue was the other choices that living in the city entailed - the private school merry-go-round and the weekend house. We really wanted to set down roots once we had a family, and to us, city life seemed too transient and disjointed.
I do miss being able to eat Chinese food in a restaurant that doesn't also have a sushi bar.
Posted by: JayR | Jan 9, 2006 3:43:43 PM
The families mentioned in that article are either just husband and wife or with very young children 0-2 years of age. Once children grow older, it dawns on the parents the city living is not the ideal situation. Most children, as they become more active, should have the space and freedom to roam about, and not have the distractions and noise that come with city living while they are focusing on their school work, etc. or to have to trek upstate somewhere to participate in sporting events.
I suppose if one truly earns enough, it is possible to attain all this in the city, but very very few can afford it.
I remember watching a nightly talk show, forget which one, in which one of the actors from the series "Lost" was asked about his move away from the city to a more suburban landscape. He explained that when you have to hold your children's hands everywhere you take them, you are likely conveying to them that their surrounding is not safe, but rather it is something to be feared. Who wants their kid to grow up like that?
Posted by: Stan | Jan 14, 2006 4:49:17 PM
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